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I have added my document below with my writing but here are my comments and paper instructions : I need it to be personal and in a students writing
I have added my activities/ experience sheet for reference
mainly I need help in improving my writing and making it stand out/ creative.
Personal essay for common app – Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
Needs the showing of my actual work/ accomplishments
It’s about how my camera was my childhood toy so I contrast it with a Barbie but then I go and talk about my culture so it feels like a lot of different things put together, so I’m not sure which would work best.. Talking about the barbie or instead my emirati culture and sort of starting it off with a story of how my family is against it and my grandfather got mad at me when talking about it ‘It is not a girls thing to do. It is against culture. Don’t let people talk about you. Take care of your reputation.’ something considered taboo → they don’t want us to do something wrong, we are seen as precious daughters but often feel locked away from that freedom → then for an ex. I opened a photography club in school to teach students etc. and I started making short videos for fun during my travels and new experiences → (I didnt do this but just for reference)For instance, describing a particular project you completed, explaining the concept, the challenges you faced, and the final result. Example: “Last year, I created a short documentary about elderly craftsmen in my neighborhood. I spent weeks gaining their trust, learning to capture their weathered hands at work, and editing hours of footage into a 10-minute film that was later screened at our local community center.” → relating to me I could say i did this with my grandmother and won something etc…
For my personal essay there’s a lot of vivid descriiptions, for ex. I should provide a ‘raw moment’ and how it lead to personal growth.
The 2,3,4 paragraph can be summarized into one, they seem very similar
How can I reflect on this more? What has the camera taught me about myself? NEEDS MORE SELF REFLECTION
I need to highlight that event or realization clearly
Concluding statement is abstract, I should end with a goal or vision or what it sparks on me..
NYU Supplemental – Keeping the what ive done the same, just some tweaks to improve it
Beginning paragraph – turn sort of into a story, something like the clacking of the coffee cups → togetherness (this is just an idea it can be written better)
Middle → detail what i’ve done, and creating that community aspect
Last → how ill input that into NYU
USC – it’s very weak and needs to be improved alot!
Why major? Why us?
125 words (about) – Why are you choosing your major? This has to be a story as well – about how you became interested in public policy, or what specific topic in public policy you are particularly interested in.
Then, the other half has to be about USC ex, being specific about the program, course, student groups etc.
I want to study public policy and explore international relations as well
https://www.collegeessayguy.com/blog/university-southern-california-usc-supplemental-essays#C2
The college essay guide has lots of good examples as to how to approach this
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